Thursday, March 25, 2010

I'm A Cunt? Yes, You're A Cunt

This Is An Extremely Depressive Post, So Leave Now If You Wish.
Remember..I Warned You.

I went to this stupid thing at my school where all the freshman were suppose to come. When I first heard about it, I was like ew I'm not coming. But then, one of my teachers told me there was going to be food, so I immediately changed my mind. And we went...we sat down for 1 hour in a half. So BORING. In the duration, we got this white page that was folded into 3 parts, which had all of our grades, and graduation requirements. It showed my report card for this spring. Which I haven't got yet. But I saw it now. And I've turned into a failure. I ALWAYS have straight A's. But in the last 2 report cards I had all A's except for 1 B in French. Which I knew was very easy to get up again. But turns out nope. Guess what my grades are NOW? All A's, and a motherfucking C in French. My Dad saw the paper when we got home, and immediately yelled at me. He made me feel like shit, and as if I was worthless. You don't know what C's mean in this home. You either have an A, or you FAIL. The letter grade B to my dad is a FAIL. And this time, I majorly failed. I know that to most kids my age, my report card is perfectly fine. No D's and no Fail's, it's all good. No. It's not like that for me, at all. Nor is it to my parents. School is taking over my life and I have 3 more years of this bullshit. I hate French and Math so much. You can't POSSIBLY imagine how much my hatrid for school is burning inside of me. I feel like throwing this laptop outside my window. Like, throwing myself off my balcony. Like, hole-punching my arm or stapling my French book to my head. And saying to my Dad, "You see? Do I have an A now? Are you proud of me? This is what you did to me." I feel like attaching a zipper to my forehead so I could squish everything I need to know, inside of my cranium. I want to insert a light bulb into my body so I'm always warm, happy, and bright. So it would fake what I feel. I would look bright, brilliant, cloudless, and sunny. Everything I'm not. Why am I using so many metaphors? This stupid blogging - diary crap is not making me feel better. It's actually making me feel worse. What's wrong with me? I know I have flaws, I know I'm not a genius, but don't you see I'm trying my best? DON'T YOU SEE IT? DO YOU NEED SOME 3-D GLASSES? SOME X-RAY GLASSES TO SEE THROUGH MY HEAD? MY BRAIN IS BLEEDING. It's bleeding. I don't think I'll be blogging to much anymore because I'm sure I'm going to get this taken away. So I'll talk to you soon. I feel like crying my heart out. No, I'm not an emo little bitch. Nor am I non-appreciative. It's just the way that my Dad spoke to me, It's like, if he forgot I was a human with feelings. Hopefully, I'll talk to you later. Bye. I love you. I really don't love you. But I must love someone, since no one loves me.

"Why Polish A Turd?"